Another great interview at Danny’s place – Charity Larrison
It’s funny about learning. It’s never what you expect. I am starting for the first time ever, to actually get the hang of it, and make some things that are kind of cool and that I really love. I am starting to learn how to see the world, and my heart is constantly in like this odd vice of joy. I want to draw everything all of the time. But time is precious – which things to spend the time on? I want to draw that tree – but really shouldn’t I be working on something serious? I mean, that is the kind of thing I have been thinking to myself lately.
See – honestly, I hate my job. It’s awful. I am all by myself all the time. There is no one to talk to ever, except the dumb internet, and I want out. Having basically one client only for the past four years, my portfolio is utter crap. And, Jesus, I don’t want to be a graphic designer anymore anyway. I want to draw. But how do you make a living from drawing? How do you make a living from drawing without starting to hate drawing, is the main thing i think. I have been trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out what way to push so that I can still love it, and still get out of here.
So I have been trying to remember why I started this. Why I am here. What did I want when I began? To maybe find some kind of clue that will help me figure out what to do. What is important? Why do I do all these things that I don’t actually care about anymore when I would really rather be out drawing trees?
I had an interesting session with my shrink – he keeps encouraging me to just do whatever I want, to “follow my bliss” and my passions, now that money is not really an issue for me. As he says, it’s the first time in my life I’ve really had that option. And today at lunch, I get the fortune “For success today, look first to yourself.” It is as if for the first time, everything is saying, “It’s ok, go ahead, be selfish and do what you need to for you.”
I wish I could figure out what that is. I’ve been drawing a lot of trees myself, lately.
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