I’m really getting the urge to do some art again, in particular, bodywriting. The problem is, I was banned from this artist’s groups for some things that happened before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She thinks I’m “too wild” for her groups or something. Her groups are geared around helping people deal with body image more than with just the art process. Me, not understanding that, just had a helluva good time covering myself in paint and plopping onto the canvas. I thought it was all great fun, and apparently the other folks who were having more trouble dealing with what they thought about their bodies were put off by that.
Oh well, I did so many things when I was undiagnosed and untreated, and lost so many friends, that in a way, this is just one more. But, it makes me angry that people can’t understand mental illness a bit more, and realize that when it is treated, people don’t behave in the ways they did before. The discrimination against those experiencing mental illnesses like bipolar or depression in this country is so much a part of the culture, and so severe. We are all trained to look suspiciously at anyone who is different, who acts differently, who does anything out of the ordinary. You would think an art therapist, of all people, ought to be able to help me deal with the repercussions of my illness and what it all entailed. But, unfortunately, she limits herself to dealing with those with body issues. I suppose everyone has to have their specialty, and I know that she has to earn her living and with what she charges, has to ensure that everyone enjoys the experience they have. So yes, I see all sides and get it.
But, it still hurts. I look at the friendships of the other women from those groups, like my friend Laura, and the deep ties they have created to each other, and feel somehow, I was cut off from all that by my illness, as I have been cut off from so many friends. It’s a very hard feeling to deal with, in so many ways.
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