Cha Xiu Bao: Food for Petty Persons
In Chinese moon calendar, today earmark the day of Jingzhe (驚蟄). Chinese farmers in the past came to realize that every year there is a day in summertime when venomous insects wake up and the ‘White Tiger,’ a super-natural malignant being in Chinese folklore, roams around looking for prey. Gradually, it has become the day of Jingzhe. To placate the White Tiger, local folks perform some sorts of ritual today. At the very beginning, it was some kinds of fest, like lion dancing and singing. But over time, the main theme for today was turned into ritual of beating ‘petty person’ — 打小人(i.e. beating hostile people), with reason still unknown.
The best locale to witness this ‘petty person’ beating ritual in Hong Kong is the Goose Neck Bridge of Wanchai (nearby the Times Square of Causeway Bay). Dr. Sui-wai Cheung of the City University of Hong Kong has a detailed story about this over here.
Like all things in life, the formule for beating nasty person changes too. In the days of yore, the petty person you hated so much was beaten up for some good time by the professional beaters (about HK$50 per fix) with Chinese cloth shoes vigorously. But what a sad fact for your nemesis! These beaters these days use high heels, which in my opinion is ten times deadlier than cloth shoes. “To all the restaurateurs and chefs I’ve bad-mouthed out there: if there’s anything I did you wrong, let me know, okay? Just don’t go down to that bridge, please? I’ll try to make up for you as far as possible…”
A funny thing is, for the spell to be more effective, it is better to use the shoes worn by clientele, though in theory any shoes will do. That’s the reason why you can see many people sitting barefooted next to the beaters during the ceremony. [Caution: the large loaf of french stick you bought from the bakery, though stone solid, is hopelessly useless in this regard. It is better to use it to bang a living person; instead of the sufferer drawn on papers.]
There is a wrong belief that the birthday (the year, month, day and hours in lunar terms) of your antagonist is pivotal for an effectual beat up. But, hey, we’re living in a space age, right? Good news is, the residential address your hidden adversary will suffice (email address or URL is quite another story) …
Food-wise, food served today is for neither you or me but the paper tigers. You’d need to buy up some nice xiu yuk (barbecued pork) from the roastie specialist so that you can ingratiate the paper tigers (represent the mighty White Tiger) with. With that, not only will the white tiger not take you as prey, but it will also aid you to remove all the threats from the petty people around you.
By now, you’re probably wondering why the bloody hell I know so much about this virulent business. Frankly, my dear readers, it’s because I am also one of these professional beaters down there at the bridge and, I am, the busiest among all — simply because someone once asked me to beat all those spiteful souls who dislike this mediocre food blog one year ago…
「打你個小人頭，打到你有氣都無得透﹔
打你隻小人手，打到你有金都唔識偷。」
“I beat your petty head, so that you can’t breathe any air;
I beat your petty hand, so that you can’t steal any silver.”
This sounds like great fun to me! I’m off to go make some petty people to beat up, and some paper tigers to feed!
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