“When Michael first entered creativity work, he was a lonely and alienated man. Of course he was. A man of quicksilver intelligence and rapier wit, he was ill matched to the tightly laced academic circles he traveled in. His humor was viewed with suspicion, his levity was not welcome. Self-importance was the order of the day, and self-important people liked to make Michael feel like nothing. Once Michael realized he was something, just not the something they were buying, he began to seek colleagues and pastimes where his personal traits were appreciated. Eventually, he navigated out of an academic career and into a creative one. The author now of three books, he is in demand for his lively and good-humored lecture style.” Julia Cameron, Walking in This World.
I read this passage and thought of an old friend of mine, with that “quicksilver intelligence and rapier wit”, who was always telling me he wanted to “have written”. I kept trying to encourage him – we would write passages of books for each other, and critique each other’s writing. Eventually, I fell in love with him – not a good thing when one is married to someone else’s best friend. Of course the friendship fell apart under the strain, especially when his girlfriend became his fiance – a fact he never bothered to tell me until it was five months later.
But what I had fallen in love with – the quicksilver intelligence, the rapier wit – didn’t want to be seen. He went back to the academic life, and became a rather cynical and embittered person. I alway mourned the loss – not of who he was, but of who he might have been, had he tried. But you know, maybe what I really mourned was that book I never finished – A story callled “Pandora’s Box” a plot involving an Arab woman, Rania Jamilia, caught between two worlds as she struggles with her lost memory – the Western world, falling under the spell of a right-wing Christian force, and the Middle Eastern world, falling under the spell of an Islamic religious force. The story involved human cloning, satellite telephone communications, and a number of other things we take for granted today.
When 2001 rolled around, I felt all that I had envisioned come to pass. I go back and read those pages now, and wonder what would have happened if I had finished that book. A famous science fiction author had told me at the time,way back in the 1993, that my plot was simply too inconceivable, and I never pursued it, busy with family and work. When I pull out those pages now, chills run up and down my spine, and I wonder – who was it that was trying to tell that story, and what might have happened if I had written it then?
We’ll never know.
2 Responses
The story of your friend is, unfortunately, oh so typical. So many people try to bend their will to match society and hollow themselves out in the process. I’d much rather be alive and soulful than financially rich. I’d rather be a nobody than a “somebody”.
In the end, I believe a person who is alive and soulful IS rich and the nobodies become somebody by not seeking it.
I have to agree with you – alive and soulful is much richer. And, compared to most of the world, I am also financially well off, so I consider myself very, very fortunate – even though our society pushes us to achieve financial success at a level that most people in the world could only dream off.
Americans tend to think they are so well off, but don’t realize Europeans take six weeks of vacation a year and that those we would consider “poorest” often have very fulfilling lives. We spend our time at work, and compare ourselves to others working just as hard or harder. But the reality is, the true wealth is in being able to spend your time doing what you enjoy doing. If that is working, well, fine, but most people actually seem to prefer doing other things.
Namaste…