Are you feeling run down? Unpopular? Are you anxious about possible indictments? Prone to hot-tempered outbursts? Unable to stay upright while riding a bicycle?
Take strong, fast-acting Alito®. Alito® contains the active ingredient brimstone sulfate, shoring up the base while rearranging the news cycle. For leaders in distress, Alito® is truly a gift from Wonder-Working Providence.
So if you’re depressed and worried about your political fortunes, remember, four out of five spin doctors recommend Alito®.
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Use only as directed. Potential side effects include loss of workplace protections, civil liberties, reproductive rights, constitutional amendments, hair, memory, and eyesight. Not recommended for democracies or republics.
Go see the comments, too. Hysterical.
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