Esther Yaa Alofe
“The community where I live inspires me to paint through their way of dressing and their activities… I paint to tell of nature and to motivate people in life.”
They call her useless
And yet push for achievement.
“I want a baby.”
They bicker between themselves,
And reproach her for being distant.
“My friends have so much fun.”
They dwell on money,
And indenture her to loyalty.
“I can‘t stand this every day.”
She is innocent.
They have ambitions.There was a girl who was both a good student and a good athlete. Her family did not find that to be enough. They pushed her to spend all her time studying or practicing for her next sport competition. Finally, she could stand it no further. She ran away.
Her family was firmly convinced that it was a kidnapping.
In so many families, a girl is told how useless she is. Is it any wonder that she gets pregnant? A boy is told how lazy he is. Is it any wonder that he rebels as an act of individuality?
When parents demand without understanding, they thwart development. Forcing children to fulfill parental ambitions destroys individuality. Before parents blame their children, they should first look to how their daughters and sons were raised.
The facts tell an impersonal tale: approximately 1.5 million U.S. youth run away or are sent away from home yearly, 68% are between the ages of 15-17, 35% had run away before. Behind the statistics lie stories waiting to be told of lives changed by the runaway experience.
“Runaway Lives” was created to give voice to those stories. Runaways, past and present, and their family members are invited to share their experiences. Writings may be of any length and in any form: a brief reflection, a diary, a poem, a captioned photo, whatever. The only requirement is that it be based on fact, not fiction.
National Runaway Switchboard
National Runaway Switchboard offers confidential help to runaways and their families, as well as information and educational services.
Covenant House provides shelter and many other services to homeless and runaway youth.
National Youth Crisis Hotline – 1-800-HIT-HOME/1-800-448-4663
Foundation 2 helps runaways, suicidal teens, and others through a crisis center, shelters, and other outreach services.
National Runaway Switchboard – phone 1-800-621-4003
Covenant House – phone 1-800-999-9999
National Youth Crisis Hotline – 1-800-HIT-HOME/1-800-448-4663
Childhelp USA (Child Abuse Hotline) – 800-4-A-CHILD/1-800-422-4453
Team Hope gives one-on-one support to parents of missing children through a volunteer network of parents who have gone through the experience. The website also offers a wealth of information on abduction, runaways, Internet enticement, etc.
Child Find of America, Inc. (New York)-phone 1-800-a-day out
National Missing Children’s Locate Center (Oregon) – phone 1-800-999-7846
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I don’t have much of a personal nature to add to this post today. I wouldn’t even think of treating my kids in a way that would make them want to run away from home. My problem is usually that I can’t get them to leave, and they drag all their friends here too…. but as I always tell my husband when he complains, “at least we know where they are”.
My older son went up on the hill behind our house with a friend when he was much younger and I didn’t know where he was. He got grounded for two weeks, the only time I have ever grounded him for anything. The number one rule in the house was always that I had to know where they were and when they would be home. He’s 19 now, and still calls me every time he’s leaving his community college to come home.
Parenting is difficult, and every situation is different. We can all fall into abusive behavior when we are tired or stressed, we can all get too insistent on having things done our way. Children are too young to understand so many things, and in our rush to get them to grow up, we look at our own experience and try to tell them what’s best from what we’ve learned. There’s a big difference though between sharing what you know from your own experience, and giving people, even children, the chance to understand that and act upon it in their own way, and demanding that something be done a certain way and RIGHT NOW simply because you said so. In emergencies, that’s fine, and in anything involving a child’s safety, it can be essential. But that demanding parent voice needs to go away when it isn’t an emergency.
Kids also learn best, of course, from their parents’ examples of behavior. If you say one thing but do another, that is the first thing a child will notice. And if your excuse is, “but I’m an adult”, then the child often see that the privileges of adulthood mean you can do what you want to and they will arrange their lives to make that happen. If you never take your child to work or out in public places and let them see that you must observe the rules as well, they will attempt to get out from under your control as soon as possible. If your rules are inconsistent with your values, your child notices that, too.
Ah, but I could go on for a long time about all my own experiences of parenting and what I think, but that’s another blog, and I’m not into all the mommy blogs, although I would have loved it if blogging were around when my kids were younger. It probably would have been very helpful as well as a great outlet.
Anyway, I asked my son why he never considered running away from home, and his answer was, “because I have too much stuff”. So there you go. Buy your kids lots of stuff and spoil the heck out of ’em. His room is full of stuffed tigers, and he has no way to carry them all with him to leave. Guess I’ll have to get him a moving van for his next car…. Nope, that won’t work either. He said, “Maybe. But then again, E-bay. I’m sure there is someone out there willing to pay money who needs a moving van more than I do.”
Sigh….
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