Childhood

Clarence Finley Boulter

No. No. No.
This ruins a child.

Children are one of the most precious aspects of life, and yet they often are mistreated and abused. If you are a parent, your most important task is to raise your child with as little trauma as possible. Firmness, consistency, and patience are essential. There will undoubtedly be times when you have to correct a child to prevent mistakes and bad habits. However, when it comes to a child’s curiosity, individuality, or initiative, there should never be any discouragement. In that sense, it is wrong to say no.

There is a legend about a thief who stole into heaven and took the peaches that gave immortality. He returned to earth and was about to eat them when he chanced upon two little boys. Taken with their intelligence, he asked them riddle after riddle about the deepest meanings of life and they answered with laughing ease. The thief decided to share his peaches with the boys, and they all became immortal.

If the boys had had their curiosity killed early in life, could they have answered well? If a thief could be kind to children, can’t the rest of us be too? And if the children never had an opportunity, could they have become immortals?

Deng Ming Tao, 365 Tao

The one thing I thought about most of all in raising my kids was their curiousity. How to encourage it, not stifle it, and let them develop their own interests and ideas. Needless to say, this turned out very well, and they think well and are very intelligent and rational human beings.

I think most people’s problems in life stem from having their curiousity stifled – by parents, by society, or by simply never getting the chance to follow their own interests intead of someone else’s demands. My kids rarely complained about boredom, and when they did, I always suggested some unpleasant chore in order to encourage themt o go find their own thing to do. This made getting chores done a bit difficult, but they certainly learned to follow their own interests.

I never rescued them from their own actions unless it was an urgent matter. They didn’t get the best grades in school once they were old enough to decided for themselves about homework, but they learned that there were consequences to their actions, including occassionally having to repeat a class. Once they figured that out, they did well enough to avoid the boredom of having to sit through a class all over again!

They think drugs and alcohol are stupid. They are polite and well-mannered, and would never take advantage of anyone. They simply know better, they didn’t have to be told this was the way to behave. So I know that letting people learn and decide things for themselves does work.

Of course there were limits. Kids need to know the limits in order to feel safe and secure. But the limits were always negotiable when they thought they were old enough to handle certain things. They followed the rules, and paid the consequences when they broke them, which was rare.

So now I have two young men who know themselves and are still curious about life and learning and discovering new things. And isn’t that what it’s all about, really?