Had lunch at the rock bottom cafe with Pat Wilson and Greg Rose and Tom – it was nice to see them again, although kind of distressing for Greg that he has suffered a broken leg. Hope he recovers quickly…
I feel like I’m no longer at rock bottom myself, but certainly not doing great either. I have a great deal of trouble dealing with my alone time, both finding things to do and also just being by myself are very difficult for me still. I don’t really understand either of these things. I used to enjoy alone time and was pretty good at finding things to do with my time. I feel like I am learning to do these things all over again.
The sense of loss and isolation I feel is overpowering at times. It is probably the most painful of the things I feel, even more so than the depression itself, which really is more of a just not caring about anything feeling. The sense of loss is in caring so mcuh about the things and people I have lost from my life and how much that hurts. And knowing I can’t get those things and people back again. I try again and again to move on, and sometimes think I’ve succeeded, only to be blindsided by it all once again when I least expect it. Well, one more day…