Hearse of weathered black enamel.
Undertakers fingering cigarettes.
Family, some crying, some bored,
Some only thinking of themselves.
Hired marching band out of tune.
Even in death we find no accord.
If you look closely at a dead person, can you truly see a soul? Is there anything left of the person that you knew? No. There is only a corpse, one that doesn’t even look familiar; whatever animates people is gone. Have they flown to heaven? Have they gone into some cycle of transmigration? I don’t know. Theories about what happens after death can only be conjecture.
A funeral is for those left behind. It is a ritual for us to come to grips with what has happened. Sometimes, one wonders if the weeping is more out of fear for ourselves than it is sympathy for the deceased.
All our lives, we seek union. We try to please our parents, we try to do well for our teachers and society, we try to make love and get married, we try to touch the universal through art, music, and meditation. Yet all our lives, our every attempt is flawed. Accord and harmony are transitory states. Their duration and quality come only from our determination. Once our mind gives way, we can no longer hold the connection that we want.
Don’t wait for death to solve your difficulties. Do what you must while you are alive.
Good weapons are instruments of fear;
all creatures hate them.
Therefore followers of the Tao never used them.
The wise man prefers the left.
The man of war prefers the right.
Weapons are instruments of fear;
they are not a wise man’s tools.
He uses them only when he has no choice.
Peace and quiet are dear to his heart.
And victory no cause for rejoicing.
If you rejoice in victory, then you delight in killing;
If you delight in killing, you cannot fulfill yourself.
On happy occasions precedence is given to the left, on sad occasions to the right.
In the army the general stands on the left, the commander-in-chief on the right.
This means that war is conducted like a funeral.
When many people are being killed, they should be mourned in heartfelt sorrow.
That is why a victory must be observed like a funeral.
— Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching
I haven’t written much about the Schiavo schism. In this one poor sad family is America’s current crisis, writ small. Michael Schiavo, trying to do the right thing by his wife, trying to respect her wishes. The parents and the right wing, wanting to control her life since she is helpless to say for herself what she really wants. It is how they want all women to be – voiceless, helpless, unable to say what is best for themselves. The right and their “culture of life, if you are unborn, or unable to speak for yourself, or willing to let us speak for you and tell you what to do”, vs. the left “culture of living”, with the right to die gracefully, the right to live as you choose to, the right to be who you are without being told who you are by your parents, by the government, by anyone but yourself.
Even in death, for poor Terri Schiavo there are seperate funerals. At one, she will be remembered as the daughter, helplessly wronged in death. At the other, her life will be celebrated, her love remembered, her spirit honored. Michael will do those things in her memory. Her parents will only mourn their own loss, not celebrate Terri’s life.
My dad’s funeral was a celebration of his life, with so many people telling me what a great man he was. My mother’s funeral was a remembrance of her service to others. (I used the bird of paradise image because she loved Hawaii, so I had tropical flowers at her funeral). That is what should happen – people should be remembered and celebrated at their death. We sorrow for their loss, but need to honor them in their death for who they were.
Do what you must while you are alive – indeed. That is the only way to live life. Don’t expect a great reward in the beyond for being what someone else thought you ought to be and living in the way they thought you ought to live – be who you are, and celebrate yourself in your own life and time.
No Responses