Communication (repost)

Movement, objects, speech, and words:
We communicate through gross symbols.
We call them “objective,”
But we cannot escape our point of view.

We cannot communicate directly from mind to mind, and so misinterpretation is a perennial problem. Motions, signs, talking, and the written word are all encumbered by miscommunication. A dozen eyewitnesses to the same event cannot agree on a single account. We may each see something different in cards set up by a circus magician. Therefore, we are forever imprisoned by our subjectivity.

Followers of Tao assert that we know no absolute truth in the world, only varying degrees of ambiguity. Some call this poetry; some call this art. The fact remains that all communication is relative. Those who follow Tao are practical. They know that words are imperfect and therefore give them limited importance; The symbol is not the same as the reality.

Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao

In self-differentiating into all beings, Tao has initiated the first moment of communication. The second moment of this ontological communication is a process of returning back. All beings, as be-gotten by Tao return to Tao through a process of conversion. Cor-responding to the process of differentiation, is the process of con-version. Lao Tzu said, “All things come into being, and I see thereby their return. All things flourish, but each one returns to its origin. This returning to its origin means tranquility. It is called returning to its destiny. To return to destiny is called the eternal Tao” (ch. 16).

Tao, in self-manifesting in all beings, still works inside all beings in order that they return back to it. Therefore, differentiation and conversion, this process for to and fro constitutes the original act of communication. Tao in fact is an original communication. The process of communication constitutes also all things and man’s relation to Tao, because differentiation and conversion define our relation with Tao. Lao Tzu summarizes this relation in saying that, “Return to the Simple Origin must be the act of all things, since they are begotten by the self-differentiation of the Simple Origin” (ch. 28). Sometimes he uses the metaphor of the relation between mother and son to illustrate this: “He who has found the mother thereby understands the sons; and having understood the sons still keeps to its mother” (ch. 52). Lao Tzu thereby has well grounded ontologically all the other derivative communications between man and other men, between man and other things. Begotten by Tao and returning to Tao, all beings are ontologically related. We can communicate one with another, because we are all sons of the same mother.

— Vincent Shen

Extending our hand to another, we join with that other in a union of contact that embraces our essence. Satir captures this sweet realization in her reminder that we are all born little. The practice of psychotherapy and leadership have much in common; both are art and science, and both require the conscious and strategic use of self to facilitate desired positive outcomes. Lao Tsu’s counsel to those of us who want to change culture reads:

If the sage would guide the people, he must serve with humility
If he would lead them, he must follow behind.
In this way when the sage rules, the people will not feel oppressed;
When he stands before them, they will not be harmed.
The whole world will support him and will not tire of him.
(Chapter 66)

Likewise:

He who stands on tiptoe is not steady.
He who strides cannot maintain the pace.
He who makes a show is not enlightened.
He who is self-righteous is not respected.
He who boasts achieves nothing.
He who brags will not endure.
According to followers of the Tao, “These are extra food
and unnecessary luggage.”
They do not bring happiness.
Therefore followers of the Tao avoid them.
(Chapter 24)

— Jean McLendon, Tao of Communication and the Constancy of Change

“The first of the principles governing symbols is this: The symbol is not the thing symbolized; the word is not the thing; the map is not the territory it stands for.” — S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action

So communication comes first from the Tao to us, by way of the initial differentiation. Communication with other people then becomes, in a sense, getting past that differentiation and back to commonalities, in other words, back to the Tao. If we are followers of Tao and that becomes reflected in our words, they will ring truer to others than if we simply speak from our own self interests.

But, we can’t expect this from others, so we have to learn not to trust so much in their words, but look more to their actions to know what their real purpose is. I’ve gotten to where I’m actually rarely listening so much to the words people say as to their mood, their feeling, their body language, and whether they have that glow in their eyes that tells me they are actually excited about and interested in what they are saying. If it’s obvious to me that it is important to them, I pay far more attention to what they are saying. Passion speaks volumes to me. Travel with passion…