Why do we hold back? There is some fear that if we don’t hold back,if we give all, then we have nothing else to give. So we give only in parts, we keep the carrot dangling. We want to remain mysterious.
When you don’t allow the other to enter into your whole being and know it totally, it is because of the fear that once the other knows you totally he or she may become disinterested. You keep a few corners of yourself aloof so that the other goes on wondering, “What are those corners? What more do you have give?” And the other goes on searching and seeking and persuading and seducing…. And in the same way, the other is also holding back.
There is some animal understanding behind it that once the mystery is known, the thing is finished. We love the mystery, we love the unknown. When it is known, mapped, and measured, it is finished! Then what else is there? The adventuring mind will start thinking of other women, other men. This has happened to millions of husbands and wives: They have looked into each other totally — finished! Now the other has no soul because the mystery is no longer here-and the soul exists in mystery.
This is the logic in it. But when you are truly independent, and you are surrendered to the god of love, then you can open yourself totally. And in that very opening you become one. When two people are open, they are no longer two. When the walls disappear, the room is one. And that is where the fulfillment is. That’s what every lover is seeking for, searching for, hankering after, dreaming about, desiring. But not understanding rightly, you can go on seeking and searching in a wrong direction.
Everyday Osho — 365 Daily meditations for the here and now by Osho
2 Responses
I have seen many marriages in my lifetime. A very few have developed into that “one”. It is beautiful to behold. Too often, though, I have seen one give completely and the mystery is gone while the other holds back and strays.
It takes two whole people to make one.
I agree both people need to work on the marriage. And it is work — I’ve been married 25 years and you don’t make it this long without a LOT of effort.