Gonzales Resigns, Vows to Find the Real Perjurers – The Smirking Chimp
A grim-faced Alberto Gonzales announced today that he was resigning in order to dedicate the rest of his life to “finding the real perjurers.” “They deceived Congress and the American people,” he said, “and I won’t rest until they’re brought to justice.” He added that he also intends to find out who used the chief law enforcement office in the land to subvert the Constitution.
The outgoing Attorney General also noted that someone in a senior Administration authorized the use of torture, which he observed was not only “barbaric” but also violated international law. “That discovery caused me great pain,” Mr. Gonzales said. “I mean, it wasn’t the kind of pain that simulates organ failure or death, but it still kinda smarted.”
Mr. Gonzales scoffed at rumors that he’s writing a book called If I Did It. “Believe me,” the Attorney General said. “If anybody was writing something like that, I’d have gotten a report from Gen. Hayden about it.”
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