The hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life is to learn to let go of people. Losing my Dad ten years ago, and then my Mom this past September were both very difficult experiences, of course. The loss to death is so final, so unrelenting, just knowing you will never see that person again. But the finality of death eventually makes it easier to accept, since there is no chance that person could come back into your life.
The harder losses for me have been the loss of friends, who decided not to include me as a part of their lives anymore. Having a falling out with someone who was your friend for a dozen years, who you thought would always be there for you, is a devastating experience. The last time this happened, I literally went crazy, mostly from the feeling that there was no one I could trust anymore.
I still get into very melancholy moods where I miss these people, although now I typically take it as a sign I need to readjust my thoughts again. For a long time, I would try to contact these people, and still try once in a rare while to let them know the door is always open for them, but I am long past hoping they will ever overcome their resentments. I think because none of them have children, they simply don’t understand the importance of hating the sin but loving the sinner that the experience of raising children brings.
Honestly the cold shoulder is an attitude I understand intellectually, but can’t relate to emotionally. To me, a friend is always worth another chance, and great friendships that go awry ought to be restored. My faith in these people was very shaken, and I questioned my beliefs a great deal. But now, I think that what I most believe is underneath all the silent treatment and resentment, a part of them must still love and care about me in some way, and perhaps what they fear is that what they perceive as my problem is really theirs, in not being able to truly forgive and change.
I will certainly never be able to do anything to affect what they believe or feel. Only they are capable of changing their minds. But always, that door will stay unlocked on my side, ready to be opened whenever they please. Perhaps that is the best thing about it all – I know in myself, that I truly understand what love really is.